My Christmas

Pretty uneventful. I wanted to get my mom and grandma something definitely; but due to selfish ambitions I spent most of my “holiday pay” on myself.

My gran is a diabetic; the condition has made her feet swollen. I had the idea to buy some compression knee highs. The compression is supposed to aid in circulation. What is best for her would be a soothing foot massage but the socks would still outlast any good pair of hands.

For my mom, I gave her car a much needed wash. The plan was to get a full detail; shampoo inside and out, the works. Upon hearing the price of the service I decided I could save some money washing the car by hand and getting the inside shampooed.

I parked outside of my gran’s residential building and brought three buckets out of the house; one for the clean car wash solution, after wash solution and water. The water bucket entailed for couple trips to and from the building but I got it done and I had fun! I don’t think I would make a consistent practice out of it though.

The next day it rained; but the weather could blow because my mom’s car still looked good.

I should have taken some ‘before’ and ‘after’ pics; these are just ‘after’.

My present to myself, business cards; I’m thinking me and this blog are going places ūüėČ

…and rainboots.

How was your holiday?

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When you run into an old friend.

So…

It’s not like I haven’t been doing anything but I felt a little bit of an “awe I wish that was me” when I ran into an old classmate. We were always pretty cool with each other, quite honestly she’s a cool person aaaaaaaaaand farther along than I am.

NJTV used to be based at my Alma Mater Montclair State; in turn many of the students from my old major Broadcasting find a place there; as did my friend, for six months now. I have been volunteering as an audio engineer and I also have been finding gigs here and there,

“SHOUT OUT TO MAYA CURRY!”

But I am not doing anything that sets me apart as the responsible, functioning adult that I want to be at 25; that many of my current and former peers have so successfully attained. Honestly, this blog has been the one thing that I have committed to; even if I have wavered on the punctual and consistent part.

YIKES!

Ok, so to the weird part – the part where I was weird: I felt like she felt bad for me or was dreading the possibility that I was going to ask for a job. (Which I wouldn’t outright say because that would be embarrassing. Right?) But I did ask to see an old friend, a sound engineer, someone I would pester and he would give me advice when I was in school.

In short, they were busy so she said I could wait. At first I said I had head out but then decided to. But even after the hour, he was still busy. Which is not the fascinating part.

What am I obsessing over is: Am I stupid for not building stronger connections at my school so I could up at NJTV too? Did I look needy? Should I have asked her if they had any opportunities available? Did I embarrass myself already by unintentionally alluding to the fact that I am less fortunate? Did I make her feel weird?

In hindsight, I think I read to much into our meeting.

The point is I ran into an old friend at her place of work. The meeting was unannounced. They were busy and not able to see me; even though I waited. And after I asked  when I could come back I received no response.

If I wanted to catch up with my old class mate I could have suggested an invitation to do so. I have to first figure out what I want and then make efforts in my own direction in order to seek opportunities anywhere. All my thoughts were a revelation about how I felt about myself; I found myself wanting.

But seeing her, gave me motivation.

I want to use my degree!

I want to live on own my and eventually drive to and from work in a car that I can afford. Time to cut the slack, dust off my knees and get back in the game.

 

 

Unsatisfied and Renewed

These are two unlikely combined adjectives that describe me at this time. I feel as though I am walking the way to enlightenment barefoot on uneven ground with twigs and pebbles. Sometimes I get step on a clear patch of dirt, sometimes I don’t.

More truthfully and less poetically; I feel – though rarely- sometimes I come out on top as far as living righteously. Most times, I feel like I could have done better. In hindsight, most times I could have.

It’s hard trying to do the right thing when you feel crossed or agitated because of someone or something. My advice…

do it anyway. I’m not judging or taking a holier than thou approach. I humble myself to take my own advice when I feel I am right on the money. (It’s also because most times I am the only one that I will listen to, so I better get something good out of it.)

In short, I’m unsatisfied with myself; I still have a long way to go before I become the person that I want to be.

Now the renewed part:

I think it was Saturday morning when I really felt like,

“I don’t want to bullsh#t around anymore…I have things I need/want to do.” Right now it’s coming on strong as I am typing this. My second post tonight, who’d’ve thunk it? Deep down – and I can feel the dark uncertainties wading in deepness of my subconscience that hides itself from all men – I am fearful of how long this determination will last. It always seems to fade and then I hate myself for it.

But even though I stayed in my bed until after noon; here I am up after midnight writing this post. *shoulder shrug* I am not a morning person and doubt I ever will be; I truly work better after 12pm.

TO END MY POST:

But yadda yadda, why does this post belong in this “Fruitful Living” category? Well, number one, to connect. If anyone feels the way I feel they know they are not alone and they can feel encouraged to keep trying. Also, I did something.

I get Foodstamps. I don’t eat meat or starches so I really don’t buy that much food. I have a great amount left that I know could benefit other people who really need it. So I updated my fb status:

4 blog 1 fb

Well I got a few likes and kudos but no one inboxed me. So, I thought, “Someone out here needs this”. They can be discreet; I won’t tell their business – info I should have added to my status instead of in response to a comment. (Hindsight is 20/20).

Then I thought: What did Jesus do? Cliche? Yeah, maybe, but on the right track. Anytime Jesus taught, he sought out crowds, he went to people. My friend, very recently told me we have mutual friend that could use some help. But the other thing I am going to do is go to the super market and pay for someones groceries and pray and hope someone else will pay it forward too.

MATTHEW 9:36-38

Seeing the people, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd.¬†37Then He said to His disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. 38“Therefore beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out workers into His harvest.”

 

Gyroscope has new location

So…

For a month now I have been going to Newark twice a week to work on the shows at Gyroscope’s additional¬†location, GS Radio Newark.

Toni "Ms. Champagne" station owner

Tonia Champagne, is the station owner at this location. What I love is that she is very involved with the community and the youth within the community. They are located in the HUBB on Prince Street and they do more than give children a hobby after school Рthey give them a purpose.

The station is managed by Grumpy (Sean Stover) a.k.a. rapper, Blackout. And he also has his own entertainment company that teaches children how to hone their talents, Grumpy Ent. The man with the plan has recently released his own album “Return of the Bad Guy.” I’m not a huge hip hop head but this one joint that he has out right now speaks¬†the truth.

Sean combines his passion for music and his passion for teaching in order to help the younger generation visualize that their dreams are attainable; to guide them while they are pursuing their goals. I see them rapping, singing, running sound equipment

He working with boards I ain't touch yet.

dancing Рoh the dancing РI love. These are actually the type of things I feel I should be taking part in.

The content of their shows are amazing! (Get ready for the links!)

gsnwk9

There is – my favorite – “Woman 2 Woman” which calls for women to hold themselves accountable for their actions, putting an end to the blame game.

Reel Street Views

The “Reel Street Views,” which gives artist in the community a platform.

gs nwk 6

And the “Cougar Room,” y’all. M M M is all I can say. The three lovely host are all cougars and they keep it real as far as why they chose the cougar lifestyle¬†and what works for them and what doesn’t. M M M it’s hot!

The HUBB itself contains dance cyphers, free give aways, show promotions and just an overflow of positivity in every form. The air is never stale and the energy is always high.

Some new stuff

So…

I know I have been M.I.A. and for that I am sorry. I just felt like there was nothing to write about except the same ‘ol. I am still trying to master sound¬†engineering especially for the Hip Hop show; I am still¬†very involved at my church.

So what to talk about next?

When I first started this blog its aim was to connect with people like me. People who were entry level in the media business and did not have a clue as to where they were going; who were broke and just trying to get their foot in the door. I wanted to connect with them and still do.

With that said this blog can relate to anyone that is entry level in any career or if they are just trying to make their dreams come true. This blog is for us; I want someone to read this (anyone) and say this girl knows me and just like that we would be friends; whether boy, girl, man or woman.

I have still left a big piece of myself out of my blogging endeavors. My faith. Some of you may be thinking,

“Whoa, I didn’t sign up for this.”

But I started this blog to share my experiences and through them I may touch someone else. Now I am going to share my faith experiences and  hopefully through them, I will touch someone else.

My career is a part of me but not as much as my faith and I need to put all of me in this.

If you can’t relate I hope you will try to understand. If you can’t stand it, well I can’t force you to read it. But I won’t leave it out of this blog anymore.

You can check out this special post under the “Fruitful Living” tab. I also put a link so you can watch our “Rated M” show! Every Saturday 6-8PM. Woohoo! And no it’s not all Christianity. We discuss current events, cosmetic awareness, there’s a mommy segment for all my parents and parents to be and a ‘Keepin it Real’ segment check it out; I think you will enjoy.