My Friday

I woke up early. In truth I usually do. And if you read my post, I do what?

 

 

I am not going to answer that because my true friends will know what it is. So since I moved in with Lady., I really am responsible for myself. There is no mother that keeps coming in my room disturbing me, no voices non- directly reminding me that I have important duties to tend to; it’s all me.

I got up at 8am and didn’t really get up until 10am, ahem, well 10…something, when I knew I had to catch to buses to be at a doctor’s appointment at 1pm. I know you are tired of me singing the same old song and so am I. I am glad they still saw me because I am a new patient.

I saw the gastroenterologist and asked me him if they could take out my colon.

“You want a colostomy bag?” He said it like a parent would when know you would prefer something else even if you don’t. I said know a new colon would be nice.

Well they only remove colons under very serious circumstances and my IBS wasn’t very serious. He gave some liquid I should take as needed to help me out.

I went to the library to get some work done and forgot on Fridays they close at 5:30. So when I left in my cute – but – not really – warm sweater and thin leggings, I wasn’t prepared to wait outside my church in the wind and cold. Dance practice hadn’t started yet so the church was not open.

‘Hey I’m at church and I’m cold,’ I texted two of my dance members. I did a brisk walk to 7/11 in the hopes they didn’t kick me out. I stood in there for a couple of minutes and pretended I couldn’t decide what to get before I was picked up.

***

After dance was choir rehearsal and “Ride on King Jesus” was our practiced selection. Ending rehearsal we said our pastor prayed a departing prayer and as Nettie and knitted our hands together I couldn’t help but feel this is what it is really about,

community.

We were on one accord and of one mine – the thought to go home. =-P But seriously in that moment I felt a family and a camaraderie that God calls for when he commands that all of His children be of one accord. It was garnished with discussion I had with my pastor about human nature and sin. And I just feel like it was a perfect way to end an evening. And maybe, just maybe I got a glimpse into the what the kingdom looks like.

Lonely, alone

So, I moved, YAY!

Yup me and my friend Lady, – yes that is her real name, she’s Liberian – are officially room mates. And as self – mandated we laid some ground rules.

I am to pay electric and internet.

I do not have to leave when the boo comes over.

I have my own key.

We sharing food – I have food stamps.

I’m working everyday.

Before I grabbed my final things from my gran’s, my mom asked for a hug.

“Why?”

“Because your moving out on your own.”

I thought, “well not really.” I begrudgingly gave her one. As Lady went to bed on my first night here, I felt it. I was alone. Let me tell you, I dreamed of being by myself with nothing but myself to keep me company; along with the whiles of my imagination. And now that it’s finally here I feel a little lonely. It’s surreal but falsely so. I am sharing an apartment and still not going half on rent as of now; yet I am alone. I am on my own.

I felt it again when Lady went out on a date. I am alone, sitting here talking to you. I’ll just have to get used to/ get over this feeling. Which I will.

Sincerely,

Growing up.

Is this is what work is?

There is sometimes very limited information once you accept a job on the Source4Teachers website. My assignment started at 7:30am.

I was running behind when I finally made it to Passaic, Township. Upon my arrival, I was given my schedule and told to wait in the teacher’s lounge until 9:20. I could have showed up at 9:00. I have never been the one to get to work early to get myself settled in and blah blah blah. That is not me. I am still working on be punctual consistently.

I need more adventure in my life

I hate problems

So,

I think one of the reasons why I sometimes won’t attempt something because I am afraid of failing; or at least tackling a problem which I have no clue how to solve.

Thursday night, working the board for a show and there is no sound. W. T. F. I am sweating. I was taught in school that the sound is the most important thing. Can’t run the show without sound- therein lies the problem. I started to get really hot.

Now, how to fix it?

No idea. Not an option. Figure it out. So for whatever reason the microphones that are usually used in the system weren’t picking up sound. But I know we were getting sound because I could hear it through our board- which means there wasn’t a technical issue with the board. This means there was an issue with the software.

Was the volume turned up? A question – no doubt – any sound critical thinker would have had. The volume was up and had never been turned down so that was out of the equation.

I found a quick solution: one of the mics wasn’t working so I switched it to a camera microphone. This worked temporarily before eventually shutting off the whole computer. I paint calm on my face in order to hide my wrecked nerves. At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if this was my last time working a show for this station.

Holy #$@!

This problem was not solved by the end of the night.

DAY 2:

The next night there is the same issue of no sound. The mic is connected through USB so I detached it from its port and reconnected. When I did this a little icon appeared on the screen to tell me what I did. This icon was key. I clicked it and displayed an array of volume information as well as options to save settings. There were two volume settings one for the headphones – which we checked earlier – and one for the  Ustream’s system microphone.

I raised the levels for the Ustream’s system microphone – an option I did not know even existed. Just like that, we were patched. See, see, see this is why I don’t like getting involved in things. The sweating, worrying and fear of upsetting a client – and boss for all intensive purposes for that matter – infuriated me because the solution was so small. A nearly microscopic discrepancy made a huge difference and I would have never figured it out if I had not used my noodle to move things around.

In the end I’m glad I stuck with it and resolved the issue that left me with more wisdom than my panic took from me. But I will get there early to do an intense overview to avoid problems in the future.

What have you learned from your mistakes. Leave your stories down below; I would love to hear from you.

The fire I make

I worked on the  board for the Woman to Woman to show. The topic was being ‘Addicted to love.’ The guest listed women who were addicted to love show these characteristics: Blow off family friends to stay with partner, get a high initially and then raises conflict when it fades away, one relationship after another etc, etc.

I mentally ticked off in mind, “nope. Not me. Not me.”

Then she said something. If you constantly think about being in a relationship while your single.

c6f8a5cc98902efb5e45f63b0cbf601c

The only thing I think about more than being in a relationship is sex. Pretty scandalous for a girl being comfortable single and celibate. But what exactly is my addiction?

I am addicted to creating make believe relationships while I am single.

What do I get out of it? A high; a rush of adrenaline- this warming climatic feeling in the pit of my stomach. Euphoria. These thoughts make me feel full and complete and they comfort me.

But they put me a distance away from reality and they cause me to lust in my heart. While I continue to nurture the thoughts of sex in my mind I will be more enticed to choose to have sex before marriage if provided the opportunity.

Why do I seek this kind of pleasure? I don’t think I feel safe in this world – where everything is temporary and longevity is uncertain. I make believe I am holding on to someone and he is holding on to me. As we hide in my imagination I feel loved and complete.

Have you heard of the phrase, ‘You have a God shaped hole…’ I first came to God of my own accord because I felt empty. And somehow it just made sense to go to God. Like, when you’re hungry, you get something to eat – problem solved. I was empty and I needed to be filled – so I went to God. But this emptiness was deeper than a hunger. And God – it seems funny to me now because I don’t know how this made sense to me as a child even though I did grow up in the church – was/ still is the logical answer.

So why do I still feel empty? One reason is I spend more time lusting than actually letting God work on me. Reading His word, singing His praises are better than focusing on something that’s not meant for me to have at this time. And my passion was always fleeting. But God’s work is permanent; I believe that.

Another reason is if this problem was solved a long time ago I couldn’t share my story with those of you who may have the same problem. Everyday we have to make conscience efforts to not choose our old ways.

Saturday at 6pm Eastern, I’m going to be speaking about a huge addiction that plagues people everywhere and how it does harm to our souls; how it makes harm each other.

I hope you tune in to Rated M and I hope this post helped you. I hope you share with another person who might need it.

 

My Valentine’s Day

So,

I told the security guard who works in my gran’s building that I was going out.

“In this weather?”

And then I thought about it…what better reason to stay in? But I was on a mission  to enjoy a show with a buddy of mine and then we were driving so the cold didn’t whip me too bad. Omar -HEY OMAR! – scooped me and after I made him wait 20 minutes – sorry- I drove to the spot, Ms. Champagne’s Valentine’s Day show. And we were super early, so we drove until we came across this Turkish restaurant.

To be honest – not that it wasn’t good – but it left me wanting. I had falafel disks, when I was expecting falafel balls and my aluminum tray looked sparse with the added salad; while Omar’s looked full with chicken. They did hook me up with extra falafels because it came with rice – another dietary restriction.

We went back to the spot and people started to file in. Ms. Tonia said she like my blue lip stick that Omar had expressed dislike for.

20160214_234153

Grump was the creme de la ceme – THE CREME DE LA CREME- of hype men and MCs. He opened it up, he got the crowd hype, he came to where the people were at. But I’m getting ahead of myself. G baby Wright put on the cutest show. But I think he was rehearsing.

He and his dancers synchronized; their moves were fluid, like they channeled their chi before the show.  The theme and dramatic accents on each of their points were delectable.

Sean Battle, the only poet on the program delivered his eloquence of consciousness. Some poets wrap their lyrics around meter and time. But Sean Battle has such a way with comprehension that

he is able to wrap his  words around meaning. 20160214_231105

I saw what he meant when he said, “using our limbs as straight jackets.”  And my fingers snapped with approval after he finished a poem with  the line – that I must paraphrase – ‘with you, a queen would rather you used her name.’

Johny Bonds got up on stage and threw it down. But who stole the show for me, was Grump.

20160214_232932 (1)

This guy…

He had said he was once one of the top dancers back in the day but I was not expecting for him to come off stage and meet the people…with his moves. When he got on the floor people just gravitated toward him with their phones; they were his own personal spotlight.

He was spinning. 20160214_233953

20160214_233721Flexing and sliding.

Regurgitating the crowd’s energy. 20160214_233846

A rightful owner of the showmanship award.

He closed the show for me. And I mean that quite literally because I had to leave. See, I reside in an old folks home and my folks are old so I didn’t want them to have to come down and let me in late at night.

Blessingly for me, my cousin had spent the night and had stayed up late – as youngin’s like to do – so he let me in.

So my Valentine’s Day was thoroughly enjoyed. Tell me in the comments below about yours.

Let’s talk about sex, baby

Why is sex viewed as such a dirty but necessary thing?

Should we be afraid of sex? Is it dirty? How important is it? Should sex determine whether we should be in a long term relationship with another individual?

NO.

No to all of these. Sex was designed by God and there was/is nothing shameful about it. And there is nothing shameful about it now. How we deal with sex is where the issue lies.

Photo by James Lewis

Sex was designed by God for procreation. But something other than egg fertilization also happens during sex. Two beings become one. What? That’s not that fascinating you say? Well, let me break it down as best as I can.

Mark 10:9 says, ‘What God has joined let no man separate.’

ACTIVITY:

Take two sheets of math paper – ya know like we had in elementary school, the gray flimsy sheets that would easily rip when you had to erase the wrong answer to a problem.

Next, take a glue stick and lightly glue each side.

Press both sheets together. Then, rip them apart.

What should happen is each sheet should have pieces of the other paper still attached to it.

That is what happens every time any person has sex with another individual just for fun, or without any real investment. The real investment being marriage.

When two human beings become one, they become a new creation – ‘one flesh’ – as said in Mark 10:8. When you rip that creation apart it is no longer whole and damage occurs. Damage that can only be fixed by God. You loose a part of yourself as well as gain some new stuff, which may not be for the better.

Sex is deeper than just having fun and its more than a requirement for a substantial relationship. Staying a virgin until you are married is the only 100 percent, guaranteed way of preventing diseases, unplanned pregnancies, emotional damage etc. Anything more than that was not part of God’s design.

You may be asking, ‘Ok so what if I have already done it? Then what?

Well that’s up to you. If you are Christian ‘there is no comdemnation for those in Christ Jesus.’ Meaning God is the only judge that you need be concerned with. Confess your sins to Him- earnestly – and ask forgiveness and you will be forgiven. Go further and ask him to help you say no to temptation day by day. It can be hard to resist once you have already given in – like me with my Jimmy Fallon, Ben and Jerry’s ice cream last night.

“I’ll save some for tomorrow,” I said.

The whole thing was gone in less than 20 minutes. (Smh).

If you are not a Christian you may believe that ‘it’s my body,’ and I can do with I want with it. But, ‘the earth is the Lord’s, everything in it, the world, and all who live in it.‘ We are the keepers of our flesh; we protect it, nourish it, keep ourselves clean. Though we, ourselves- our entire being – belong to God. We also have freewill to put in our bodies whatever we want to and lay down with whoever we want to lay down with.

But you are worth more than anything someone could give you for your time; you are worth more than a fleeting moment of passion. Someone thought you were worth His life.

Here’s my segment ‘Fruitful Living’ from the show:

 

Slacking, not

So,

hello my loves.

I know I have been letting you down. But I really want this blog to grow and for us to grow together. As I continue to learn and grow I am putting together a schedule that wil keep me one point. This will include getting up early…

ee62b1f5da095bae5d1034ccd636caba

I hate that.

I only pursue the effort when I have work or a very important appointment in which I have no choice but to put my laziness aside and just get the hell up. But I have been working my way to that 8’oclock bar. In actuality, I wake before six every morning. Since I was a child I have been waking up at 5-5:30 in the morning. Why? I don’t know. I am up before my alarm clock. And I try to go back to sleep before it rings. I am just not morning person.

(High five me in the form of likes if you know what I’m talking about.)

Today I got up- officially out of the bed – just after 8. If it wasn’t for my cousin dropping the baby off that probably would not have happened. Hopped in the shower and afterwards proceeded to make a most wonderful Frittata.  (Recipe on the word).

I am a vegetarian, paleo so my diet requires me to cook more or… starve. My mom enjoyed it and gran – who is old fashioned southern, puts meat in and everything and fries everything- even liked it. I’m planning to get the last piece after I post this but it might be gone.

So there you have it my excuse, my apology and breakfast. Seize the day fellow dreamers!

‘Let’s Get Together Yeah, Yeah, Yeah’

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

So,

I needed good head shots. How could I break into – wait – one can not go into acting without a head shot. That is literally the first thing they want; the first thing they ask for. (I had to make that about-to-be a question into a statement because the former would have made no sense.)

So I asked a former colleague – can I say colleague? I asked a former school mate of mine if she could take some pics of me.

‘Hmm a photographer I am not Inisa lol, I could make an effort for you if you want though. It won’t be anything spectacular though.’

They actually came out really well. I was late for our meeting. Please, people, when someone is doing you a favor have the courtesy to show up on time. Now, Maya was cool about it but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t annoyed. But she still gave it her all and I appreciate that.

I was really proud of how I articulated what I wanted; this is something I am still working on. And I communicated how I wanted certain things to look and we worked together to make it happen. I also took her advise and followed her directions; she was the one helping me out after all. All in all it was great day. Tell me what you think about my pics!

THANKS MAYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!