Tag Archives: Audio

Parents just don’t understand

I come home.

And I ask my mother if she’s ok. Most nights when I come home my mother is sitting on her phone, playing some version of Tetris. When I’m home and it’s late my mother is on her phone playing some version of Tetris. I ask if she would like to play a game of scrabble instead.

“No, I’m already playing my game.”

Ok. I asked if she made any more phone calls to the people she discusses money issues with. She say’s, “why?” I’m only asking. I’m only asking because I want to know if she’s ok.

“Who did you work for today?”

“Is he a man?”

“A white man?”

“Who is there with y’all?”
“He gave you money to come home?”

“You don’t think that’s strange that he only gives you money to come back?”

In between her explaining why she thinks (or knows) I don’t understand the dangers of working with/for people I don’t know, I become combative/ defensive; I don’t want to let her finish speaking. She tells me to shutup and leave.

“You’re not gonna yell at me!”

She tells me I think I’m grown, and she’s stupid and she doesn’t know anything. I say she knows nothing about freelancing.

Even writing this bubbles up enough frustration that I want to start yelling all over again.

Why am I frustrated? Let me explain; I am 24 (say’s the title). I know, just stick with me here. I have been going to the city at least three times a week on my own, navigating my way through the city. I have been handling my business on my own, dealing with different personalities – fuck – paying bills on my own! And my mom still doesn’t think I have enough sense to know when someone is trying to use me.

It’s just when have I done enough for her to recognize that I am a big girl. I can look out for myself when no else one is. I will never be capable enough for her. Now before you get all hoity toity on me and agree with her and say I don’t know enough about the world and I’m still young and such. I am wise enough to know there are still some tricks I haven’t learned and some tricky people I have not met. That does not mean I am not learning. That also does not mean I have not learned a lesson of which she could have not spared me anyway. What I want her to do is fall back and let me do me.

It’s hard to talk to parents when they are like this. All I ask is that she listen. I am quite frankly tired of it – listening – at least to her. Now before you go on again, what she was saying to me about the aforementioned gig she has said before. Why I cut her off – I heard it before. Why did she repeat it? She thinks…

“She just don’t get it.”

But in actuality (if I may be so bold) she doesn’t get it. She has never done a production gig. She does not know how my field works but only understands that it exist. For those of you who don’t know what a gig is like for those on-the-come-up; it’s basically an internship. That means if you’re not a lucrative professional you may not make any money. You will also be hard pressed to find internships in the broadcasting field that will pay – at least not in monetary form. What you gain is experience.

I get the job from this site called Media Match. The job states in its description that they are willing to pay or not willing to pay or if its low pay. I take the job to get comfortable in the position that I will be working in the future.

I take the job so that I will be worth the big bucks in the future.

What my employers have provided me with is transportation money. So I am able to come back; keep working, learning, making connects, gaining etc. My mom thought that was the weird part – that I would keep going to work for people that I already made a commitment to. That I would show up to work only to be rewarded with being able to come back in order to learn some more.

I may be late on this experience; learning with no monetary gain. But that’s my fault and I don’t regret it as I said in my previous post, “Let me just start by saying…

And in case you were wondering, my mom’s feelings about heading to the city to freelance and all that jazz when I was in college would have been the same.

Can you relate?

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Let me just start by saying…

My mom has had a long hard battle after suffering from a stroke and not being able to return to work.

She has been to the welfare office time and time again to fill out paper work and to give in paper work. I am certain she could take herself through the pre necessities blindfolded.

In time she was awarded Medicaid so she was able to see doctors who would in turn give her more medication. They paid her rent until a said application wasn’t put through and now she in the midst of packing are things before the eviction notice comes.

Our apartment is owned by money hungry …people, who are not interested in fixing things properly but their bill for the appropriate living conditions comes every month – at a price we couldn’t afford before my mom lost her job.

When I worked I only made enough to pay a few bills; to keep her wits somewhat intact until we had a break through. Now I no longer have a steady job. So it’s been by God´s grace if she can stay in knee piece -but that’s another battle in itself. I had told God,

“I hate my job but if you would have me stay 10, 20 years, I’ll stay.”

A few weeks later I quit. And two months later I started at the radio station. I didn’t want to do something outside of God’s will and yet He already had me taken care of.

I quit my job and really started to pursue the career I went to school for. Thanks to a friend who constantly sends me jobs via Facebook from Craig’s list, I was hired to be on Rated M with Gyroscope Radio.
I made a documentary about a prosperous non-profit losing their building to the city. And now im doing audio gigs in the city. The distance from my mother and the house keeps my head above water as far as stressing about the lack of income. But she can’t escape it.

I honestly feel bad sometimes about quitting my job and not having a backup. I wasn’t ignorant to the problems that we had. But working at my old job came with its own fair share of problems. She said to me after I broke the news to her,

“Nisa…we dont have any money coming in.”

And that was pretty much the end of it. She hasn’t been on my back about getting a job. She has asked if I could help pay bills which I feel obligated to do anyway. I am living in her house.

Even though we live on Difficult Road, I don’t much regret leaving my job and pursuing my career. I have learned so much and met so many great people. This would have never happened back at Wendy’s. How do I know because I wasn’t pushing for it. I wasn’t striving toward it or working for it. I had to leave.

Maybe many of you have dreams that you have been sleeping on or aren’t working towards. Maybe its time for you to turn a new page.

Don’t become a stalemate. Maybe their are those of you who are in my position. You are hoping you have enough to make it to your next gig. I’m here to encourage you. The pay off is the on the way, keep working.

I have a secret for you…

And so the focus comes.

So long, I have been waiting for this.

Since I was a child I have had these intricate romance fantasies – yeah that’s what I will call them. That has been a landmark in my imagination. I love life but even when I am having the best of times I always go back to my imagination and think, “What if this happened right now?” Or I think of some alternate reality happening instantaneously.

I have a great imagination I am just figuring out how to put it to great use. My ‘Great Imagination’ is also my downfall. I lose focus and interest quickly. And since I have been recently submerged in a world of art and the neighbors are amazing, I not seldom wonder how they are so motivated.

What I do:

Wake up.

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Roll over.

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And go back to sleep.

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I was speaking to great vocal artist named Elonda about what keeps her going. She says everyday she wakes up and goes to the studio. I said, “why are you like that?” And she went on to describe her motives. And I yell out,

YOUR FOCUSED!

She says,

Yes!

You see, I was missing that. I was spending too much time in my imagination instead of acquainting my brain with reality. I wasn’t focused. Lately, I have been making a greater effort to be present. I listen harder, I read more carefully, I  form my words delicately behind my lips. God’s grace has brought me to the set of “Anchors” where I can build sets and be the sound girl. God’s grace has brought me to Gyroscope Radio on Rated M and working the sound board for the shows.

“Anchors”                                                                                     Working the sound at Gyroscope

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And remember when I mentioned the neighbors?

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Ron has been training me on the shows. He is the owner of Gyroscope LLC and has structured the company from the ground up.

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Elyse, the director “Anchors” – which is coming to a network near you –  is a freelance editor. She is building “Produced by Girls.” Her own website features her work; editing, videoagraphy while simultaneously featuring the artist her works are about.

I get to meet these people! And their fire rubs off on me. I love it. And now when I open my laptop. I don’t aimlessly search the web. (Well maybe a little). But I spend hours on Photoshop, I make a fb page, I work on my blog. I am editing a promo for Rated M. I am thinking of ideas for the next video I want to shoot.

I am focused.